hoho, school reopens.
new classmates.
i miss my old class.
my class got ALOT of malays.
damn.
like only got 8 chinese?
around there.
okay, costing is boring lah.
though i slept alot already but still feel sleepy when attending that lesson.
just now in bus 135 was like talking to juan.
i asked her whether if today is the 16th of april.
she said yes.
then i say to her, its one year that i know her already.
then blahhhhhhhhh.
alright, just keep moving man.
dont stop.
dont fall back.
why do i feel so sour.
lols, just memories flashing back lah~
humans are weird.
when they have it, they tend to complain and whine about it.
but when they lost it, they also continue complaining and whine about it.
humans, humans, humans.
hard to understand.
hope this last year is gonna be a good one.
after this, then goodbye everyone.
OMG.
FUCK.
I HOPE TO SEE HER TOMORROW!
pleaseeee, please please...
okay, i think i better change rom stop scolding vulgarities to continue scolding.
cause i think i just cant stop.
damn it.
lols.
i cant forget the way she look man!
tmd.
si angmoh.
SHE'S SOOO WOW.
oh i cut my hair already!
damn i look like AH WANG! lols.
yes, ah wang the bowl hair toot toot guy.
only when i clip up my hair during work.
and i keep acting like him.
lols. the female version.
i regret cutting lahhhhhhhh. its like shit!
time to wait for my hair to grow.
HAISSSS.
i had a GOOD SLEEP LAST NIGHT!
FINALLY!
=)
of course!
medicine is the help!
and im sick!
lols.
im gonna stop eating western and china food.
kept eating.
feel like vomiting. puke.
too much of pork. MUST CUT DOWN!
im quite halal remember? HAHA, AS IF.
i think im having fever.
waking up and i feel my head is so heavy.
shake my head, its PAINFUL!
my breathe is so hot.
cant find my thermometer.
so i assume im having fever.
hah, feli say maybe im thinking too much. lols.
assume, assume, assume
everyone just like to assume things.
dont you?
my big auntie come and find me!
very wah lao eh.
exy send me a photo of kaixin.
very erxin and ugly.
haha.
LOOK! TAAAA-DAHH! KAIXIN!!LOLS.
SO STUPIDDDDDDDDD.
so tell me when will you stop all this shit?
tell me tell me tell meeee nowwwwwww.
you know it yet you are doing this.
whats controlling you now?
your mind? your heart?
your mind controlling your heart?
your heart controlling your mind?
which?
i thought you were okay from the start.
where did all the effort you paid gone to now?
so please go away.
dont step into any part of my life now.
i want a good sleep.
not waiting till late in the night and force myself to sleep.
not waking up every now and then.
not seeing you in my dreams.
not waking up next morning and the same routine start.
it sucks.
you're nothing, nothing to her.
dont you understand?
im just passerby.
your feelings, your life, whatever that is happening,
she wont even bother.
im always guessing from the start.
loving you is so tiring.
you never like explaining things to me.
i bet you dont even think of how i feel.
your insensitivity.
im always thinking for you and ....
do you even know?
i bet you dont.
and i realised i did not think for myself.
maybe this is why i will get so much hurt.
im simple, im easily contented.
i want it simple.
everyone like things to be simple.
but simple things are hard to achieve it.
its complicated.
why when things can be simple you wanna make it so complicated?
this is life eh?
simple life.
you happy, i happy, everyone happy.
thinking back.
because of you,
i have lost someone who is precious to me.
the things she said, left a big impact on me.
unexpected,
thats one harsh word i never expect i would ever receive it in my life.
at that moment, i kept to myself and beared the pain inside me.
you dont know anything about it.
but things are fine now.
i tried my best in everything.
yes everything.
people around me can see it.
i tried so hard that i didnt even realise until im told.
when you are weak, im weak too.
but you dont know.
and i pretend to be strong and stand by you.
so now im just trying to find back myself.
the one who is good at pretending.
yes, pretend. fake you may say that.
but isnt that way better?
zihui be strong.
people say you will be stronger everytime after you fall.
will i?
or its just a saying that you wont care so much in future?
i seems to be much happier before this right?
yes, you are much happier.
she said.
felt sad at that moment.
i wonder to myself last night,
when i say something funny i encounted recently,
i was smiling at the outer but how do i feel inside?
i realised its no feeling.
just laugh for the sake of laughing.
dont really like to talk now.
doing things by forcing.
forcing, how bad.
the weather like always following the way i feel.
how cute.
but no sunshine of course.
how weird.
once theres a person who understand you so much and talk so much with you,
just dont seem to know who you are anymore and theres a big gap the next day.
just like strangers.
i did learnt many things from you.
thanks for it.
thank you for the memories.
thank you for asking me to cook barley, i've learnt it.
thank you for teaching me how to reply people, hmm, huh, orh, is it? really?then?
thank you that stupid morning wake up method.
thank you for everything.
you asked me not to stop talking to you the previous time,
i didn't.
now you were the one who stop.
im the one sad over here. fuck it.
yes, you are hard to understand.
and i dont understand you anymore.
when do you say the things and really meant it?
this time round, you said friends.
yes friends.
see i told you friends are just bullshit.
i dont deny i miss you, very much indeed.
i can even forget about what you said.
but whats the point?
whatever i have done,
you dont seems to appreciate it.
when you thank for the present and said you really appreciate it,
i dont want it.
cause i want you to appreciate me but not the present.
i have you in my heart but...
whatever.
though we dont contact anymore,
i wish you all the best in what you are trying to do now.
i may not know what it really is but im not that stupid.
if you hate me for appearing once in your life and made your wrong choice, im sorry.
last but not least,
thank you for hurting me huh.
